1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,879 Hi, Mummy! Hello, darling. 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,479 Kids! I'm home! 3 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:06,879 Hi. Hi, Mum. 4 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,080 Do I get a hug? 5 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,239 So... 6 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,599 how was the North? 7 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,559 It was Birmingham. Oh, dear. 8 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,279 And it was... Is it weird to describe a trade show as magical? 9 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:19,359 Yes. 10 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:20,919 It's just such an exciting time. 11 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,319 Interiors are really expanding at the moment. 12 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,039 That feels like a problem for walls. 13 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:28,319 And get this, Mummy, I'm now a brand ambassador! 14 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,359 So this guy who designs these gorgeous sofas 15 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,199 took business cards from a few elite tastemakers and he selected... 16 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,279 What, like a prize draw? 17 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,919 No, like a talent pool. 18 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,839 And I was chosen to receive this gorgeous complimentary so... 19 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,039 You won a sofa? 20 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,839 No. I networked a sofa! To boost on my socials. 21 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:50,119 It's quid quo pro! Anyway. 22 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,119 How were the kids? Good as gold. 23 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,639 Though Manus kept calling me, "Brah." 24 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:55,879 Is he a sexist now? 25 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,599 No. It's short for brother, Mother. 26 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:58,719 "Brother-Mother"? 27 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,599 It's... It's just what the kids say now. 28 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,399 Anyway, I must dash. 29 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,159 I'm meeting a man for "coffee." 30 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:06,279 Oh! 31 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,879 I've signed up to this very exclusive dating app and, honestly, 32 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,319 I can't move for hot totty. 33 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,799 Well, enjoy your "coffee." 34 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,039 It's not really coffee, darling. 35 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,479 Yes, I know, Mummy. 36 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,640 Kids! Gan-Gan's going now! 37 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,800 Oh! Such a magical age. 38 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,639 Morning. Morning. 39 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,239 Oh, Mal. I need a hand... 40 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,439 Taxi! Well, I'm off to... Quick as you can! 41 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,599 HE SIGHS Don't even argue. 42 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,239 So when's the new one coming? 43 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,519 Well, not for a few days, 44 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,279 but I need to vacuum and touch up some scuffs. 45 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:40,959 Let's get the cushions off first. 46 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,759 OK. 47 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,279 What's this slimy... 48 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,039 ARGH! Ergh! 49 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,599 AMANDA RETCHES Urgh! 50 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,279 Oh, my God! 51 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,839 Is that a condom?! 52 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,639 Urgh! I touched my face! Oh, my God! 53 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:55,919 Urgh! 54 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,999 Oh, not with the hairbrush! HE LAUGHS 55 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,639 That was in your sofa! So gross! 56 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,239 Amanda, that's foul. 57 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,279 Ugh! Whose is that?! 58 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,279 Could it be yours? No, Mal. 59 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,479 I've been V-Cel since Johannes. 60 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,679 Voluntary celibate. Just focusing on me and my needs. 61 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,039 All right, well, it must be someone's. 62 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,359 No shit, Shergar. 63 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,079 But who else in this house is sexually active? 64 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,959 Yeah, I know, Darius, but I really want to get a ticket. 65 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,879 OK, I could ask Stanley to be fair. 66 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,279 Everything can be bought online, there's got to be a website. 67 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,719 I've checked on the website. 68 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,639 We can look somewhere else. I can't wait to see you. 69 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,680 All right, we either need to move this or put it down. 70 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,639 I am going to have to speak to her, aren't I? 71 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,959 And get Anne to speak to Darius. 72 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,279 Yeah. 73 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,679 These things require a two-pronged approach. 74 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,199 It's usually more of a one-pronged approach. 75 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,039 Mal! This is serious. 76 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,279 Well, they're 16 now. I think it's quite normal. 77 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,479 So have you had the chat with Ned then? 78 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,439 Yeah, of course. Me and JJ divvied it up. 79 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,639 I was communications with the opposite sex 80 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,479 and JJ was contraceptives. 81 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,439 Basically I was tactics and JJ was the kit man. 82 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,999 Right. There you go. OK. 83 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,799 What time they coming to collect it? 84 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,279 Who? 85 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,079 I don't know, the council or whoever you booked it with. 86 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,119 No-one. 87 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,079 Mal, this is a very expensive sofa. Someone will take it. 88 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,719 You can't just leave it in the street. 89 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,559 Why don't you stick it on Marketplace? 90 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:20,079 Mal, I don't do Facebook cos of my moral objections to Meta. 91 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,039 It's a good job they don't own Instagram, innit? 92 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,880 God, isn't it? 93 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,519 Yes, you just see it, yeah. 94 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,559 Yeah. Yeah. Yes, it's very nice, yes. Yeah. 95 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:32,639 And you won that? 96 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,919 No, I networked it, Anne, cos of my profile. 97 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,399 Oh, right. And you just left the old one out on the pavement? 98 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,439 Its second life is pending, yeah. 99 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,999 Sure. If I dump a sofa, it's fly-tipping, 100 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,879 and if you do it, you're part of the circular economy. 101 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,119 Well, I'm giving someone local the chance to own a piece 102 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,559 of Chiswick-quality furniture. It's actually very community-minded. 103 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,199 Mmm. Unless, you want it for your homeless charity? 104 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,079 Well, it's a food bank and you can't eat a sofa, 105 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,279 so... no. 106 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,519 Stick it in the van, if you want? Take it down the tip. 107 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,399 That sofa has survived one marriage and two toddlers, Mal, 108 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,639 I think it deserves a better fate than the tip. 109 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,319 All right. Honestly! 110 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,999 It'll get snapped up any moment. You'll see. 111 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,239 Bye! 112 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,519 That was Della. She's on her last leg. 113 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,639 She's dying?! 114 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,679 No, of her journey. From Hawaii. 115 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,359 We've got her back for the weekend. Well, some of it anyway. 116 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,359 Aw! So nice! Yeah, can't wait! 117 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,759 We'll have a stroll by the river, spot of lunch. 118 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,399 I found this ace gastro pub that's dog friendly. Thank you, ChatGPT. 119 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,559 What's Chatty Petey? 120 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,439 No, it's Chat G-P-T, Anne. 121 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,639 It's AI. 122 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:34,759 Oh. 123 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:35,999 Yes, yes, that. 124 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,199 Yeah, I think the kids put it on my phone but I don't really trust it. 125 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,719 Um, I mean, Chris always laughs at me 126 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,919 for saying please and thank you to Alexa, 127 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,959 but, um, at least when the computers take over, they'll have me down 128 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,319 as one of the good humans and they might spare me. 129 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,239 From the first cull at least. 130 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,159 I...mainly just ask it about pubs. 131 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,919 But you can ask it about anything. 132 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,079 Oh. It's dead good for advice. 133 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,999 Felicity! Off the pitch! 134 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,199 Oh, Mummy! 135 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,879 Sorry I'm late. 136 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,319 I met someone for "coffee". 137 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,159 You're actually starting to put me off coffee. 138 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,559 Don't be a prude. 139 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,319 You should get on this app, darling. 140 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,839 No, Mummy! 141 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:14,279 No, thank you. No, it's a rich seam of solvent men. 142 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,119 There's loads of them. Look! What do you think of him? 143 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:22,199 Hmm. Maybe a touch old, but, er, yeah, why not? Yeah, I'm game. 144 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,719 No, he's the one I'm seeing. 145 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,239 That's coffee man? 146 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,119 Five shots last night. 147 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,360 And a quick AeroPress this morning. 148 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,400 Anne? 149 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,159 Love's young dream. 150 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,759 Really takes me back, y'know? 151 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,439 Me and Chris once kissed so hard when we were courting, 152 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,239 that I developed a pressure sore on my gum. 153 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,199 Marvellous. I'm glad I got you alone actually, Anne. 154 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,319 I found an unwrapped condom in the house yesterday, 155 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:55,479 and, well, it's not mine. 156 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,799 Obviously. 157 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,640 Yes, thank you, Anne. My point is, if it's not mine... 158 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:07,479 Oh, don't be ridiculous! They're only kids. 159 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,880 Can you imagine getting down and dirty at 16? 160 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,159 Oh, God, they're at it, aren't they?! 161 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,359 I don't know, Anne, but I think we need to talk to them, 162 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,319 make sure they're armed with all the facts. 163 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,359 Jesus. Chris is currently away in Vancouver, Canada. 164 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,359 Right. This would have to happen when he's away in Vancouver, Canada. 165 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,919 I know where Vancouver is, Anne. 166 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,960 Yes. Yeah, I will talk to him. OK, yes. 167 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,359 OK, that's enough Darius! C'mon! 168 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,679 Spaghetti Hoops for tea. 169 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,079 My poor sofa. 170 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,239 Who's done this? 171 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,719 You see? 172 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,039 I told you. You've opened the floodgates now. 173 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,919 People see an abandoned settee in the street, 174 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,239 they think it's a dumping ground. 175 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,759 Oh, you've finally been evicted? 176 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,079 Trying to get rid of this old thing. 177 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,879 He means the sofa... They're nice! 178 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,039 Thanks. Yeah, Della's back tonight, so I'm making an effort. 179 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,159 Flowers... Ohh! ...a nice Merlot, 180 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,399 new razor... Hmm! 181 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,479 ...and some plughole unblocker because, y'know, it's been a while. 182 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:04,959 Sounds lovely. 183 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,639 I mean having Della back, not your... 184 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,839 Although I'm sure... 185 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,079 Do you know what? This is actually a decent settee. 186 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,639 Yes, thank you! Yes, it is. 187 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,559 Yes! See?! People like it. 188 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,119 Oh, no! Bobby! No, no! 189 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,879 Bad dog! Bad dog! Oh, God, Fi! Can you tell him to stop? 190 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,559 That's horrid! I'm so sorry, Amanda. Bad dog! 191 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,359 Well, no-one's going to want it now, are they? 192 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,159 Excuse me? Is... is that going begging? 193 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,880 Yes. 194 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,359 Yes, it is. Free to a good home. 195 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,479 Amazing. 196 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,199 Yeah. 197 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,359 Ha! Thank you. 198 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,800 Oh, dear! 199 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,479 God, I'm exhausted! ...Not an airport game. 200 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,279 Oh, it's so good to be home! 201 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,519 DOG BARKS 202 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,079 Whoa! What the... 203 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,639 Oh! 204 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,519 That's a much bigger dog in real life! 205 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,119 Ah! He's licking my skin! 206 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,999 Oh, he loves his other mummy! 207 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,959 OK, right, cough up. Oh. We had a deal. 208 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,639 Here you go, mate. Oh, come on, it's not 1985. 209 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,119 Bloody 'ell. 210 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,439 Thank you. OK. Right, I'll see you guys later then, yeah? 211 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,239 Where are you going? To buy drugs. 212 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,719 Cinema. 213 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,079 Oh! 214 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,879 Out. All evening. 215 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,239 At the cinema. 216 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:16,759 Ohhh. 217 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,479 Ohhh! 218 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:23,080 Oh, I knew there was a reason to fly 7,000 miles. 219 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,479 DOG BARKS 220 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,759 Oh! So sorry! 221 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,399 I've been letting him sleep on the bed while you were away. 222 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,919 Oh, just kick him out and shut the door. 223 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,759 No, cos if I do that, he'll scratch at it all night. 224 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,039 Let me just... 225 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,119 Let me get him settled downstairs and I'll be right back. 226 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,359 OK. Yeah. 227 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,679 KNOCKING ON DOOR 228 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,079 Georgie, sweetheart, could we have a little chat? 229 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,319 It's just about you and Darius... 230 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,719 Oh. 231 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,359 Georgie? 232 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,999 CHATTERING IN DISTANCE 233 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,559 I was like 12... 234 00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:58,719 THEY LAUGH 235 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,159 Oh, my God. 236 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,519 Um, excuse me! 237 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,999 Does this look like a youth club? 238 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,159 A bit. Yeah. Sort of. 239 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,599 Could you just move along, please? 240 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:07,679 Is she serious? 241 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:11,440 I hope you haven't scuffed my sofa! Go on, shoo! 242 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,440 Not you, Georgie. 243 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,280 Now, then. Right. Where were we? 244 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,360 SHE SNORES 245 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,760 Right. Georgie. 246 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,840 Good. 247 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,119 I think we might need to have a little chat. Oh, God. 248 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,079 Gan-Gan's dead. No. Why would you think... 249 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,199 Then, why are you being weird? 250 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,319 I'm not being weird. Yes, you are. Is Manus adopted? 251 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,799 No. Wha... 252 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,519 Nothing... W-Why Manus? 253 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,239 Oh, my God, I'm adopted?! 254 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,999 No. No-one's adopted. 255 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,559 Or dead. 256 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:52,759 It's more of a personal, um... 257 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,519 No, intimate... 258 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,719 This is now officially the weirdest moment of my entire life. 259 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,199 No, it isn't! Stop saying that. 260 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,399 I'm actually being really cool about this. 261 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,599 About what?! 262 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,039 I would tell you, sweetheart, if you gave me half a chance... 263 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,199 Mum! 264 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,079 I found your condom in the sofa! 265 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,559 OK. 266 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,479 That isn't how I wanted to say that. 267 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,639 Um, I'm not angry, OK? 268 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,719 I think it's absolutely fantastic that you're using protection... Mum. 269 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,520 Yeah. I'm not having sex. 270 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,079 Are you sure? 271 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,319 Course I'm sure! 272 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,000 Yes. OK, yeah. 273 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,279 And you would tell me if you were? 274 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,199 Oh, my God. Why are you being so weird?! 275 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,279 Georgie! 276 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,799 Yes, fine! Whatever. Can we just leave it now, please?! 277 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,079 Ugh! 278 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,519 That was so weird. 279 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,679 It wasn't weird. 280 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,200 Yes, it was. 281 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,919 DOOR SLAMS 282 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,959 But if it wasn't your condom then... 283 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,480 PHONE DINGS, VIBRATES 284 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,600 Mummy. 285 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,359 Are you awake, ChatGPT? 286 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,559 Yes, I'm here and ready to help. 287 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,359 OK. Good. 288 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,719 Um... 289 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,439 Hi, it's me, Anne. First time user, 290 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,399 and I'd just like to know the best way 291 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:44,199 to talk to my teenage son about sex, please? 292 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,439 Great question. 293 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,439 Don't make the talk into a major event. 294 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,599 Instead, maybe try smaller, more open conversations. 295 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,480 Right. Yes, um... 296 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,919 ...and where would be the best place for these conversations 297 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,439 to take place? 298 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,719 Why not have the conversation whilst driving? 299 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,519 It can feel more organic, and avoids eye contact, 300 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,640 making it easier to discuss intimate topics. 301 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,839 Yes. Makes sense. 302 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:10,880 Yeah. 303 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,920 Good. That's a weight off my mind. 304 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:21,879 Are you still there? 305 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,079 Yes, Anne. 306 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,879 Thank you, ChatGPT. 307 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,639 I hope you sleep well, Anne. 308 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,559 I will. 309 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:29,719 Goodnight. 310 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,119 Get your 40 winks. 311 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,839 Yes. 312 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:33,960 Night. 313 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,079 ChatGPT, what's it like in Vancouver, Canada? 314 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,240 That's a great question, Anne. 315 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,640 DOORBELL RINGS 316 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,559 Apology, please. 317 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,719 Sorry, Amanda. 318 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,159 No, you say, "What for?" 319 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,479 Well, experience has taught me it's easier just to say it. 320 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,599 Well, you were wrong. 321 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,799 Someone has taken that cherished sofa and given it a lovely new home. 322 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,519 Oh. 323 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,319 All right. Still leaves half of Steptoe's front room, but, um... 324 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,999 Don't be such a sour puss. 325 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,199 Is this your shit? 326 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,319 No. 327 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:14,639 Disgusting, isn't it? 328 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,559 Really brings down the area. 329 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,759 Honestly, some people. 330 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,400 SHE SIGHS 331 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,879 Oh, hold the door, please! 332 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,239 Ah. Mummy. 333 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,199 Just picking up my charger. 334 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,839 Anything else you didn't pick up? 335 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,879 Um, hmm, well, maybe my hairbrush? 336 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:33,159 No, Mummy. 337 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,360 I mean, did you and coffee man have sex on my sofa the other night? 338 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,679 Well, the kids were asleep, so we thought, why not? 339 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,439 Cos it's my sofa! 340 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,919 Well, we didn't think you'd find out. 341 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,319 How did you find out? 342 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,919 Because I found your condom! 343 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,159 No, you didn't. 344 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,759 Mummy, I can assure you, I... 345 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,359 I don't use condoms. 346 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,399 What?! Oh, my God! Mummy, you should be using condoms. 347 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,359 This is about your sexual health. 348 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,519 Just cos you're too old to get pregnant, there's still... 349 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,559 I'm not too old to get pregnant! YOU'RE too old to get pregnant! 350 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,679 No, I am not! 351 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:09,319 How dare... Listen, that is not the issue! 352 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,079 The issue is, Mummy, you're putting your health at risk. 353 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,999 You could catch an STI. 354 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,759 Oh, look, I don't have to listen to this. 355 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,839 I'm not going to take sex advice from my own daughter! 356 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,039 Honestly! 357 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,359 I was having sex before you were even born! 358 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,560 Of course you were! That's how it works! 359 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,040 DOOR SLAMS 360 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,039 So, er... 361 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,479 How is everything? With Georgie. 362 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:42,639 Or just, er, in general? 363 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,799 With Georgie. 364 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,439 Hmm? Yeah, fine. 365 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,759 Right. OK. Yes. 366 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,439 CAR HORN BEEPS 367 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,599 Oh, God, did you see that there? 368 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:56,319 That BMW just tried to slide into the hatched area. 369 00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:00,639 And I wasn't comfortable with letting him into my... 370 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,439 ...hatched area. 371 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,039 Um... And that's my right. 372 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:08,279 Because it's very important to respect the... 373 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,519 ...hatched area. 374 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:10,959 Yeah, Dad just pulls out. 375 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,320 Yeah, well, that method doesn't always work! 376 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,919 Oh, God. Here, would you look? 377 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,359 The back wiper is stuck there. 378 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,840 I'll just be... I'll be back in a second. 379 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:29,880 OK. 380 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,680 INAUDIBLE 381 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,240 OK. 382 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,839 So, everything going well with Georgie? 383 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,240 Yes, I said. 384 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:01,399 You know, that kind of reminds me of an experience that I had 385 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:05,279 that was quite similar to your own current situation, 386 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,079 which was when I first started dating your father. 387 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,279 Now, we both started to develop these urges, 388 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,519 um, all completely natural, of course, 389 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:18,199 but a very raw, almost, um, primal craving 390 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,719 to explore a more physical side of... 391 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,120 Jesus! 392 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,120 Darius! 393 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:27,880 Darius! 394 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,719 Rise and shine, sleepy head. 395 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:31,799 SHE GROANS 396 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,639 So, I thought that we could take Bobby for a walk along the canal 397 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,799 before football. 398 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,639 We might run into Stephen and Chris. Bobby loves Chris! 399 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:39,719 Though he's up in his bum a lot. 400 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,599 Please tell me Chris is a dog. 401 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,799 Yeah, a Mini Schnauze. 402 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,599 And Stephen is a Maltipoo. 403 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,479 What? He's always shitting? 404 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,559 No. He's a Maltese terrier crossed with a Poodle. 405 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,319 OK, so we have the Crufts option, 406 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,559 or - and hear me out here - 407 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,119 we forget about the dog and we lie in the bed 408 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,279 till even our teenager notices we're missing. 409 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,079 Thing is, if you forget about a big dog, 410 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,599 they tend to do things like crap in the house. 411 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,519 Hmm. Morten! 412 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:07,719 What? 413 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:08,799 Can you walk the dog? 414 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,079 No, he pulled me over outside of Vantablack the other day 415 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,359 and Jake Phillips saw, so I'm not doing it. You can. 416 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,399 What's Vantablack? Who's Jake Phillips? 417 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,719 How long have I been away?! 418 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:21,399 Bloody ages! Which is why we're having a nice romantic day together, 419 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,399 which starts with a walk along the canal and a coffee. 420 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:29,639 Fiona, I love you, but I literally travelled for ALL of yesterday, 421 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,519 and until that clock says, "PM", 422 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,079 me and this bed are a single organism. 423 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,319 Great. 424 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,520 I guess that's me walking Bobby then. 425 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,600 Grab me a latte! SHE CHUCKLES 426 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,359 It wasn't theirs. 427 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:50,159 The condom. You talked to Georgie? Yep. 428 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,639 Yeah, we had a real heart to heart. 429 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,959 Oh, thank goodness. 430 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,639 Darius ran a mile when I tried. 431 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,079 SHE CHUCKLES 432 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,319 An actual mile. 433 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,159 With a quite a bruised thigh. 434 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,319 Oh, er, flat white, whole milk, and an espresso, please. 435 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,359 I guess that's the difference with daughters, 436 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,239 you can just talk about these things. 437 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,599 Yeah, Georgie and I tell each other everything. 438 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:15,119 We're more like best friends. So, yeah, we talked. 439 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,479 And cried. 440 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,839 Then laughed. 441 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,359 And then just... 442 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:20,679 ...hugged it out. 443 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,359 And it wasn't weird at all. 444 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,479 Aww. 445 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,159 Yeah. And they're definitely not... 446 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,239 No, no. They've yet to enter that phase of their relationship. 447 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,919 Great. So I don't have to have the chat with-with Darius? 448 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,639 Of course you do, Anne! 449 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,840 They may not have done it yet, but it's only a matter of time. 450 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,519 PHONE BEEPS 451 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,519 Hi. 452 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,159 It's Anne again. 453 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:52,519 My sex chat with my son didn't exactly go very well. 454 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,159 What else could I try, please? 455 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,479 Try looking for a natural moment to engage with your teen. 456 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,959 Like starting a conversation based on a TV show you've both seen, 457 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,359 or perhaps a book or a play. Sorry, what's the Danish? 458 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,439 The Danish are an ethnic group renowned for... 459 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,240 Oh, no, no, sorry. Not you. ...their high quality of life... 460 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,680 CHUCKLING, INDISTINCT CHATTER 461 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,359 SHE GROANS 462 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:19,559 Oh, thank you. 463 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,799 Are you OK, Mummy? 464 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,399 Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you. 465 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,079 Just, you look a bit uncomfortable, downstairs. 466 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,439 Because you know unsafe sex leads to STIs. 467 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,519 It's not an STI! 468 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,839 OK. 469 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,959 And I'll thank you not to make my sexual health 470 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,239 the subject of baseless tittle-tattle! 471 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,559 If I need medical advice, I'll call a doctor. 472 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:39,959 Good. Please do. 473 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,719 And he would doubtless reassure me 474 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,479 that the only irritation I need to address 475 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,399 is 5'7" with blonde hair. 476 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,719 5'8". 477 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,159 So, whose rubber johnny was it then? 478 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,599 I don't know. 479 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,719 So, literally, a whodunnit. 480 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,119 Shag-atha Christie. 481 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,439 THEY LAUGH Yes, thank you, Fi. 482 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,679 It's not that funny, Mummy. 483 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,799 So, darling, who's next on the list? 484 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,000 SHE GROANS 485 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,039 KNOCKING ON DOOR 486 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,879 Yeah? 487 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,399 Hey, brah. 488 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,559 HE SIGHS 489 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,799 Sweetheart, let's put that away please. 490 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,479 So... 491 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,199 I was thinking maybe we could have a little chat about something. 492 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,679 What's happened? Is Gan-Gan dead? 493 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,799 No. Why would it be that? 494 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,480 She drinks a lot of gin. 495 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,519 Would you like me to speak to her about that? 496 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,399 It's OK. I'll just start serving her single measures. 497 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,439 Sorry, does she have you making... OK. 498 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,799 Sweetheart, there's something I need to ask you, and this is going 499 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,159 to sound ridiculous, but I just have to check, OK? 500 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,599 I found a condom and... 501 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,919 Oh, God. Oh, God! 502 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,000 Are you saying that it was... 503 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,439 I think I'm going to be sick. 504 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,239 It wasn't my fault! They made me do it! 505 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,399 Wait, what? They?! 506 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,759 Ben nicked it off his brother. 507 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,519 We just wanted to see what it looked like. 508 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,519 Mason blew it up. We were just messing around! 509 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,719 Oh, Manus! Thank God! 510 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,639 Yeah? Yes! That's OK! 511 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,159 That's just fine, my darling! 512 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:04,119 Oh! Mwah! My sweet boy! 513 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,839 Listen, it's completely natural to be curious 514 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,319 about these kind of things. 515 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,599 And, well... 516 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,079 ...good to have that little mystery solved. 517 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,039 Though maybe don't leave things like that lying around on the sofa. 518 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,520 I flushed it down the toilet. 519 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,920 DOORBELL CHIMES 520 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,439 Amanda Hughes? 521 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,479 Yes. What's this? 522 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,239 Fixed penalty notice. 523 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,359 For fly-tipping. 524 00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,959 Oh, no, no. None of that's mine. 525 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,399 Yeah, yeah, that might not be, 526 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,839 but there's a sofa in the park that we believe is yours. 527 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,439 In the park? Yeah. 528 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,119 Probably local kids took it there, 529 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,559 or drug users. 530 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:39,799 But since you left it outside... 531 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,640 What makes you think it was me? 532 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,119 The doorbell cam. 533 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,199 From over the road. 534 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,399 Pretty conclusive, eh? 535 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,959 Did they report me? 536 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,719 Reports are anonymous. 537 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,319 Well, it's clearly their doorbell. 538 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,440 Reports are anonymous. 539 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,239 £400?! I can't afford £400! 540 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,719 Then I'd get it shifted pronto. 541 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,759 Cos it's going to be 200 quid more if we have to put it in the van. 542 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,919 Have a good day. HE CHUCKLES 543 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,520 All right, boss? 544 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,200 Yeah? All right. 545 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,959 Hop on it. 546 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,000 Hiya! In here. 547 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,799 What's going on? You've got your best clobber on. 548 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:31,639 I'm taking you for lunch at Miller and Fife, 549 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,439 for the best seafood of your life. 550 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,759 If you weren't married to me. 551 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,639 I've booked The Talbot. On the river. 552 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,159 Oh, we can go to the pub any day. What about Bobby? 553 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,839 Well, can't we get, whatshername, to pop over? 554 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,559 Y'know, the one with all the kids. 555 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,599 What, Anne? She won't know how to settle him. 556 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,079 Oh, come on! She's raised about a thousand children. 557 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,439 Look, it's not the same thing, OK? 558 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,079 OK, why are you being so pissy? 559 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,319 I'm not. Yeah, you are. 560 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,119 I've seen actual piss less pissy than you're being right now. 561 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,879 I just think that you need to consider the whole family 562 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,039 a bit more when you're back here. I mean, I'm sure it's different 563 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,799 when you're off on your cruise or whatever, but... 564 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,119 I am not off on a cruise! 565 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,759 I'm working my arse off FOR my family. 566 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,919 So you'll have to forgive me if I want to do something more 567 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:14,479 with my one day off than spending it at the Caxton with a pie and a pint! 568 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:18,399 It's called The Talbot and it serves high-end Thai and doggy ice cream, 569 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,439 which Bobby and I are very much looking forward to. 570 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,479 Come on, Bobby! 571 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:22,839 DOG WHINES 572 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,639 Bobby, come! 573 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,400 DOG GROANS 574 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,240 Fine! 575 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:32,480 This is your fault. 576 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:35,760 DOOR OPENS 577 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,919 Darius? 578 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,439 All right? 579 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,199 Yes! Hi. 580 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,479 Er, I was just about to watch series one 581 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,839 of Emmy award-winning Netflix show Sex Education. 582 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,079 It's really good. 583 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,560 Would you like to watch it with... DOOR SLAMS 584 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,080 ChatGPT... 585 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,839 ...am I good mother? 586 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,439 Just asking this question shows you care deeply 587 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,079 about your role as a mother. 588 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,959 Good mothers are not perfect, but you are doing a great job. 589 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,600 Thanks, ChatGPT. 590 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,160 AMANDA GRUNTS 591 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,959 Need a hand? 592 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,439 No, thank you, Mal. 593 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,279 Only I've got the van just parked there, so... 594 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,080 I'm fine, thank you, Mal. 595 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,200 Where are you taking it? I don't know. 596 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,919 I just don't get it, Mal. It is a good sofa. 597 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,839 I really thought someone would take it. 598 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,919 Maybe this is its time, yeah? 599 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,159 SHE SIGHS 600 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,279 Come on. I'll take you to the tip. 601 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,479 Thanks, Mal. 602 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,359 I'll get this end. 603 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,360 Oh. Hang on. What's this? 604 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,239 This condom expired six years ago. 605 00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,879 SHE GROANS So? 606 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,760 So either someone's using very out-of-date condoms or... 607 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,959 What? 608 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,319 Are you sure you've never had sex on this sofa? 609 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,479 Yes! 610 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,119 I have never had sex on this sofa! 611 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,360 I mean, apart from the one time... 612 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,440 ...my ex-husband and I... 613 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,999 It's Johnny's johnny. 614 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,919 We had break-up sex in the living room 615 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,439 the day we signed our divorce. HE LAUGHS 616 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,879 Come on. 617 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,439 SHE GROANS 618 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,999 HE CHUCKLES 619 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,479 You've been sitting on your ex-husband's condom for six years. 620 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,239 Oh, God! 621 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,079 HE LAUGHS 622 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,480 Can you not laugh? This is very triggering. 623 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,760 Guys? 624 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,640 I love you. I love you. 625 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,919 I love you, Mums. 626 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,079 Love you, too. 627 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,799 Love you, Morts. 628 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,320 I love you, Bobby. 629 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,439 DELLA SIGHS 630 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,120 I love you, Bobby. 631 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,559 LOUD TOOT 632 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,679 Oh, Bobby! 633 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,879 God! Urgh! Oh, Mum! FI LAUGHS 634 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,080 Oh, what are you feeding it? 635 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,480 Darius? 636 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,440 It's OK. I give up. 637 00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:02,239 This whole sex chat business, it's a bloody minefield. 638 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,519 I was just trying to find the right way to say... 639 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,920 make sure you both want it, use protection and no means no. 640 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,799 But I don't know how a mam's supposed to say that 641 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,079 to her 16-year-old son. 642 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:14,999 I mean, you just sorta did. 643 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,439 And don't worry, yeah? 644 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,679 Like, believe it or not, I can be responsible. 645 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,039 I'm not going to be doing a rusty trombone in the Asda car park. 646 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,520 All right? OK. 647 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,159 ChatGPT, what's a rusty trombone? 648 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,279 A rusty trombone is a sex act 649 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,960 where a man stands with his legs apart while his... 650 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,400 This is the sofa I deserve. 651 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,039 I think it's a sofa for a bigger house. 652 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,839 That's the plan, sweetie. That's the plan. 653 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,319 Yeah, I'm here. Let's team up and kill Jacob, yeah? 654 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,719 DOORBELL RINGS 655 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,479 Oh, Manus, could you get that before you murder your friend? 656 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,759 Uh! I had to get the Overground. 657 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,039 Hi, Gan-Gan. Mummy! 658 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,119 Hello, darlings. 659 00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:04,399 Look at the sofa. No? 660 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,759 Just a minute while I wash it off my hands. Mum. 661 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,319 I was thinking... Yes, sweetheart? 662 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,999 ...about what you said earlier. 663 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,559 Me and Darius. Darius and I, yes? 664 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:13,919 Me and Darius. 665 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,119 And while we're not ready yet, 666 00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:19,679 I was thinking, maybe I should get some... 667 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,800 ...protection, just in case. 668 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,839 I think that's a very good thought. 669 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,639 I'll pick you up some condoms. 670 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,559 Thanks, Mum. 671 00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,959 And he's not allergic to latex or anything? 672 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,439 Oh, my God! Why are you so weird?! 673 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:36,999 I'm not weird! 674 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,919 Well, you no longer need worry about my downstairs. 675 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,719 I've just been to my lovely lady in Harley Street... Mm? 676 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:47,759 ...and, just as I thought, it is not a sexually transmitted infection. 677 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,159 Right. It is just fluid around the hip joint, 678 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,639 which is perfectly normal for a healthy woman at my time of life. 679 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,359 Ah... 680 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,839 So, then, just a simple case of old age. 681 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,919 Don't you dare! 682 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,320 Listen, if anyone asks, just say I've got the clap.